Men and mixed messages – is he really not that into you?

Fans of the hit TV show Sex & The City will know this line – “he’s just not that into you.” The line was first uttered by a male character, giving his opinion as to a female character about why a guy hadn’t pursued her…

The female character in question was Miranda Hobbs, played by Cynthia Nixon. For Miranda, the line “he’s just not that into you” was liberating. She used it to help move on (hilariously, other women characters in that episode found the advice rather horrifying).

Those words have since spawned a book of the same name by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo, and a romantic comedy starring some big Hollywood names, including Drew Barrymore, Scarlett Johansson and Ben Affleck.

The book hit the top of the New York Times bestseller list and the line is now part of popular culture. In a nutshell, that line means that if he wasn’t into you, he wouldn’t have asked you for a date already. There are no excuses. There are no mixed messages.

A girl can be asking her female friends about a cute guy in the office that seems to like her but not doing anything about it, and you know at least one of her friends will say, “it’s because he’s just not that into you.”

It seems like simple and sage advice but there’s still a problem. When women go into the world, no matter how clear the “not into” advice is, something is equally as clear – men haven’t read the book or seen that episode of Sex & The City, they’re still sending out mixed messages.

In reality, there is indeed truth in the “not into you” philosophy. But in the dating game, there’s no one size that fits all. A lot of it depends on a situation. In the workplace, for example, the guy may HAVE to act like he’s just not that into you.

Guys can have just as many confidence issues as girls. And the pressure to make the first move is still, despite everything, on the guy. It takes guts to ask a girl out.

So is there an easier option to find out whether he is or isn’t into you without having to go through the nervous build up and the thought of flat out rejection and humiliation? There is! When you meet someone online, physiologically and scientifically there is virtually no anxiety associated with asking someone on a date. Online dating sites and singles chat rooms provide a means that gives us far more confidence when flirting and can be done so in our familiar home surroundings.

If you find the idea of “he’s just not that into you” as liberating as Miranda Hobbs did on Sex & The City, then embrace it by all means, but it’s also good to acknowledge that there are many factors that make us behave the way we do and that human psychology is not so cut and dried.

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