It’s called “settling”. Perhaps you’ve reached a certain age – an age where you think you should be married or at least on the way there – and Mr or Ms Right is nowhere to be found…
You’ve tried the best dating sites and the singles chat rooms, you’ve met some good people – worthy people – but there are no sparks. No fireworks. No chemistry!
At this point, the correct path would be to keep a stress-free eye open…and keep your heart open to the possibilities of romance and the belief that the world, despite its problems, is a magical place.
But what a lot of people do in this situation is “settle” – as in settle for second best. The wonderful romantic film Waiting To Exhale, which is based on the novel by acclaimed author Terri Morrison and stars Whitney Houston and Angela Bassett, tackles this subject.
It’s about women who are waiting for someone who will take their breath away – about the one that makes them fill their lungs and wait to exhale. It’s about not settling for second best.
Rachelle, a 28-year-old beauty therapist, made a comment on our dating blog, and meets a lot of women in her line of work. “My clients are mostly regulars, and I’m always privy to what’s going on in their love lives. In my view, there are two types of women – the ones that want a romance so great they’ll make a movie out of it; and the ones that will basically take the next guy that comes along.”
Life’s too short to settle in romance. Apart from sentencing yourself to a life of unhappiness, if you’ve settled, chances are the relationship won’t last. And we wouldn’t be surprised if unconscious settling is behind a lot of break-ups…
Writes Gary Caine on womens-homepage.com: “There are numerous aspects implied when one settles. An individual may not even recognize that they are actually settling. Fed up with alienation and yearning for a balanced relationship, a person may put up with a less than well-matched relationship. In the outset of the relationship, this person will feel a passing relief from the troubles of being alone. With the pattern of existing as a single person in their past, they will move into a relationship with full force. Dismissing danger signs, and brushing off any subconscious uncertainties, this person will persist in the relationship until it breaks apart. The partnership may be rough, as a result of an incompatible association, or it may be a rather passive relationship but missing the strong and compelling passion that one needs”.
…We all desire the feeling of being safe and secure in the arms of another. Settling does not produce those results.”
As Caine points out, we may not even be aware that we’re settling, although we know we have lingering doubts we can’t put our finger on it. It’s better to be single than wish you were…look for the one who will make you wait to exhale.