Sex on the first date – to be or not to be

Sex on the first date is a contentious issue. Some make it a “rule” (pun intended) to never do it. Others do indeed partake, and never regret it. And yet other singles do it…and wish they hadn’t.

A book called Rough Guide To The Brain by Dr Barry J Gibb (not one of those singing siblings, we’ve been assured) claims that sex on the first date – or at least early in the relationship – is a great idea as it releases hormones that help us trust and bond with our new partner. But this is being disputed in some circles, and the scientific jury is still out.

Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider would disagree. The authors of the best-selling The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right have different ideas. They famously advise women to wait to let the passion escalate. And they may have a point…If you wait, there’s more of a build up. More sexual tension. More desire. More excitement. This is not a hard and fast rule, but if you hang back, chances are when it does happen, the fireworks display will be bigger and brighter than it would have been when you didn’t know each other so well. Think of waiting as a little like extended foreplay…

As the authors told The Sun newspaper: “Men like a challenge and to be the pursuer, while women generally like security. If you chase a man or if you’re too available, he eventually gets bored, loses interest and dumps you. We’re giving old-fashioned ideas to very modern women. The rules for conventional dating, or if you use dating websites are eternal. The Rules are about boundaries, self esteem and protecting yourself from unnecessary pain – they stop you from ruining a relationship that could have been…” “The only way to make a guy take things to the next level is to keep some things sacred.”

Millions of American women swear by The Rules. Others dismiss it as just too old-fashioned. Agony aunt and sex educator Dr Petra Boynton makes a lot of sense when she says: “There are some schools of thought that the longer you delay sex the better you get to know someone. This is important for young people who may be less confident about sex. It is also good if you’re new to dating or back on the dating scene after a long term relationship. However, it shouldn’t be an absolute rule since we need to allow people to make their own decisions – and mistakes.”

The bottom line is, as Dr Boynton wisely says, it’s up to you. If you’re old enough to go into singles chat rooms and check out dating sites, then you’re old enough to make your own decisions about sex. To do it or not to do it…it’s up to you!

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